Hercules: Did you see Katy Perry signing with the autistic girl?
Me: I did. It’s nice. But it doesn’t change my utter disdain for Katy Perry.
Me: Do you think she’s smart?
Hercules: I’m in no position to gauge that.
Me: She dates John Mayer. You’re allowed to make all of your judgments based on that fact.
Hercules: I’m a fan of John Mayer.
Me: In what sense?
Hercules: I like his general demeanor.
Hercules: (And he’s a talented musician.)
Me: Yes. He’s talented on stage.
Hercules: As far as celebrity couples go, you could do much, much worse. Like, for example, anyone from the reality sphere.
Me: Off stage, he’s a rather large, egotistical douchenugget.
Hercules: He’s candid. It’s refreshing. Misguided? Sure. But authentic.
Me: So calling yourself a douche mitigates the fact that you are one?
Hercules: I don’t think his behavior is as douchey as most people seem to, so there’s that. Was the Playboy interview a mistake? Yeah. And he knows it.
Me: Oh, I don’t mean that. I guess I’m thinking to all the interactions I’ve had or witnessed. Mostly at Goldbar. I lost all respect for him when I heard him say “I’m John Mayer, so we should make out” to a woman.
Hercules: Listen: we all know that Jason Segel and Paul Rudd are in a dead heat for “nicest guy in entertainment.” That is what it is. Mayer doesn’t seem concerned with pursuing that title. He was famous, and he ran with it. Plus, you and I have both said plenty of shit to women that most onlookers would consider douchey.
Me: True. Mayer just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I get it. You’re famous. You KNOW you’re famous. Act more like Matt Damon or Segal or Rudd or Tom Hanks or Dustin Hoffman. Or anyone else who isn’t a total dick to people.
Hercules: Agreed. But to bring this full circle: if your point is that Katy Perry is dumb, you’re going to have to do better than pointing to her relationship with a man who is talented, intelligent and interesting.
Me: Yes and no. John Mayer is George Clooney 2.0. He will never settle. But Clooney keeps his breakups civil and quiet.
Hercules: Yes. Mayer has mishandled relationships in the past. So?
Me: Whereas Mayer dicks women over and they immediately run to the tabloids or they write a song. They’re very outspoken about how horribly he treated them. Knowing that, reading all that, how you date that man? That’s dumb to me. Shows a lack of forethought. She sees him for all the qualities you listed above, but doesn’t see what the reality will likely be: he’ll hurt her, they’ll break up, he’ll find someone new, she’ll still be hurting. Her shortsightedness is what I find dumb, I guess.
Hercules: Sure. But who hasn’t entered a relationship they know will be trouble? How’d The Bed Wetter work out for you?
Me: If I had heard about The Bed Wetter’s past relationships, I would not have dated her. Who enters a relationship KNOWING that trouble is a possibility? Dumb people.
Hercules: YOU DID. Her behavior was immediately apparent. And don’t underestimate the hope people have of being “the one”; the person who changes someone else for the better. Especially among women,
Me: With The Bed Wetter, there was no pre-existing pattern, well documented in the media, about her past conduct. Had there been, I would’ve jumped ship immediately.
Me: And that’s just it. You’re proving my point. If you think you’re going to be the ONE girl who will cause him to give up his playboy lifestyle, you’re DUMB. Because you won’t be. I’m sure that is what she thinks. And that’s foolish.
Hercules: Nevertheless, it’s hardly limited to her.
Me: Sure. But that’s why I think Katy Perry is dumb.
What do you think? Would you date John Mayer?