Poor @Hercules_STS. I told him I got a new iPhone, in addition to my old phone. The area code for this new device is from my hometown, where Hercules and I went to high school together. Yet (thankfully) he never pieced that all together when texts from his 11th grade prom date - let’s call her Beth - started popping up on his phone.
(The blurs are just hiding identifying details, like real names and cities.)
I figured appealing to his sense of decency would elicit a response. It did.
Cut to the next morning, when Beth decided to ratchet her issues up a notch.
Hercules was still ignoring Beth, decency be damned. But he did call me, asking if I remembered Beth, as she and I had hooked up a few times. He recounted what she’d been sending him, with a bewildered tone, and I chided him for not being a better member of the human race by helping out what clearly sounded like a woman in major distress. He concluded by saying she hadn’t texted for a while, so he assumed she got home okay. Wrong, pal.
I waited a bit after we hung up before resuming Beth’s insane pleas.
We had gone snooping on her Facebook page during his call to me about Beth’s text to discover Beth had added some weight since high school. By now, Hercules was sending me a live play-by-play of Beth’s texts to my Blackberry while I snorted with laughter then sent him more messages from the iPhone.
As we closed in on 24 hours of Beth’s lunacy, it only seemed natural to keep ramping it up until Hercules finally figured out what was going on. (The blurs are all his name.)
I kept calling him from Beth’s “number” hoping he’d pick up and I could laugh hysterically. He sent the calls straight to voicemail. So I dropped a reference he’d immediately peg to me: “Call Me, Maybe.”
- babeanator likes this
- thisisnotadrive-by likes this
- honestally likes this
- sinniebun likes this
- lunavert likes this
- shoutthemoon likes this
- cyanideminnie likes this
- publicaffections said: haha got em!
- publicaffections likes this
- marmaldegirl said: had your share of crazy girls I see..
- soxandvodka said: Got a great laugh out of this!
- soxandvodka likes this
- likeucoulddobetter reblogged this from sothenshe and added:
- schnitzelstein reblogged this from sothenshe
- fatblackpenguin likes this
- alittlethingcalledlife said: You, sir, just made my night. Very well played indeed.
- lifeoftheabsolutelyoptimistic said: Oh this is hilarious.
- jegsnakkerarabisk said: hilarious
- my-life-out-loud-now said: With friends like you…
- capezia likes this
- paintandmakeup likes this
- parad0xchild said: Creepy as fuck, and yet Hercules understands it. You two were meant to be
- lustfulfool likes this
- re-volving said: You play the part of the psycho, illiterate girl all too well, sir.
- re-volving likes this
- campbench likes this
- odinani likes this
- mysubexploration likes this
- karasanae reblogged this from sothenshe and added:
- karasanae likes this
- lalunetteprismatique likes this
- bnycb likes this
- sothenshe posted this