It’s Friday evening. Who are you getting into tonight?
Well done, random internet man.
Here is a list of insecure questions I ask myself most often:
- Will they think I’m funny?
- What if I’m not funny?
- What if what I think is funny offends them?
- People are staring at me. Do I look good today? Or is my outfit worse than I thought?
- Why aren’t I skinnier?
- Why aren’t I in better shape?
- I wonder if they can tell my hair is thinning?
- Can I make it through this meeting without anyone figuring out I’m full of shit?
- I know I can try harder, so why don’t I?
- Am I failure if I give up now?
- Am I failure just because I want to give up now?
- Am I just totally failing and I don’t realize it?
- Will I be enough?
christopherdthompson asked: What’s your take on internet dating?
Over the last few years, my lamentations about giving up on love, adopting a legion of feral cats and moving to a dead-end street to die alone were always met with the same statement: “You hate cats. You love monkeys though. You should get a bunch of those.” That truism was usually then followed by “You should try online dating!”
I regarded online dating as I regard face tattoos: shocking, sad, and pointless. I thought it was only for social pariahs who held little to no hope of meeting a mate left to their own means. Or for sociopaths incapable of stable relationships. Or for desperate whackjobs, thrusting their heart on their sleeves, screaming “DEAR GOD PLEASE LOVE ME” to anyone who’d listen. Of course those people should turn to their computer for love; weren’t they already using it for online gaming, masturbation and/or to look at pictures of cats? Leave the dregs of humanity to their cyberdating, I thought.
There were numerous debates where friends would excitedly laud the merits of the exploding industry: “You can find women outside of your normal social circle!” “You can ‘meet’ more girls in an hour online than you would in a month trolling bars and clubs!” “It’s fundamentally no different than in-real-life dating!” and “If you do it, you probably won’t die surrounded by monkeys!”**
Texting with a friend about taking your lady friend out to eat.